It’s late summer in the Northern Hemisphere and signs of the season are everywhere. In wheat fields the stalks are bending under the load of ripened grain, ready to harvest; trees are dropping the last of their fruit; hives are full of honey; and the Muslims are rioting.
In cities, towns, and villages all over Islamia mobs are rioting, burning, and generally screaming their outrage over perceived abuse of their idol, Mohammed.
World leaders wring their hands and pace the halls of power seeking a way to mollify the incoherent rage of the Sons of the Prophet.
I have a solution.
We are looking at this from the wrong angle; it isn’t a problem of belief or unbelief, respect or the lack thereof.
The problem is one of ‘Supply and Demand’.
Most muslims live in closed, restricted societies. They go about their daily lives, year in, year out, without ever being exposed to any influence that isn’t filtered thru the pages of their holy text, the koran, or censored by the local mullah. So, when a cartoon or picture or video that shows their idol in an unflattering light makes it over the wall, it has a tremendous impact, or “Value”.
Now any ten-year old Capitalist can tell you that if you want to reduce the ‘Value’, or impact of a thing, you need only increase the supply of it.
The cause of the most recent protests is a video so poorly made as to make even Hollywood blush, and that’s an achievement.
[One screenwriter who spent his career in Hollywood described the experience as; ” Traveling through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat.”]
Instead of worrying and fretting over how to prevent people from making videos disparaging a man who has been dead and gone for fourteen hundred years, and still maintain our own values, we should attack this problem head – on and bring the full force of our greatest expertise to bear on it.
‘If man, who exists at the bottom of the atmosphere, is to descend beneath himself, he must call Art to his assistance.’
Whats needed is a Cecil B DeMill treatment of this subject. We’ll make a grand sweeping epic in Technicolor and Sensa-round Dolby, 64 track sound of “The Secret Life of the Prophet”. Hire the same writers the movie business has used for years to slime, denigrate, and drag through the mud every character, belief, and principle that Christian and Jewish believers have held in reverence for thousands of years. Choose a director that holds nothing sacred but his share of the profits, pick one at random. Bring out our best actors and actresses and instruct them to think of their character as a revered Jewish or Christian figure and let the sliming begin.
To maximize the effect, we’ll need to cover the merchandising and product tie-ins. We’ll make a bobble-head doll of Mohammed that mounts on the dash ; whenever the car hits a bump, his robes fly up and the prophet moons the passengers.. Dropped from planes on tiny parachutes over the films premier in Mecca, they are sure to make a sensation and become the must have toy of every kid on the block.
In short, the strategy is to make denigrations of the Muslims religion so common as to render them worthless. Instead of the rare occasional outrage the Mohammedan will be drowned in them, they will become as common as Hollywood Democrats ; no one will pay them any mind at all.
This could ,as a side effect, embolden the movers and shakers in Filmdom to tackle the last great taboo left in movie making; trashing a Democratic President.
But, we mustn’t expect miracles of mere mortals.