Things to Do

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of writing, but it’s mostly comments to others articles on other blogs.

This is my response to a list of  “Things to learn to do.”  on ‘The Huffington Post’, I go there mostly to rattle the cages which I suppose isn’t very admirable but its infinitely amusing.

The ‘Posts’ list included things such as;
How To Buy Great Wine, and
How Not To Embarrass Yourself At Karaoke

Heres my list of important things everyone should know how to do. You might find it amusing, unless of course you have some Karaoke to do.

Learn to make some kind of bread under all circumstances.
Most of life’s miseries can be cut in half if you can put a piece of fresh, hot bread in someone’s hand.
Find the lyrics to Glen Campbell’s; “Let me be a little kinder” and learn them, then sing it at least once a day.
Learn to pray.
Buy a book of Psalms.  Read one chapter of Psalms a day. At least know what ‘Grateful to God’ sounds like. Done before going to bed, this is an effective treatment for insomnia.
Learn how to use a shovel; you might want to bury, dig up or plant something someday.
Learn how to chew tobacco. There are a great many unpleasant things in life and you should be able to deal with them without choking.
Find a homeless person close to your size and swap clothes with them.
Buy a live chicken. Kill pluck dress and cook it, preferable on an open fire. Quarter it. Eat one-quarter and give the others away. This a skill that everyone who lives on chicken breasts should acquire.
Eat a can of Vienna Sausages. It’s amazing how much better everything else  tastes in comparison
Buy a canvas tarp at the lumber yard or paint store. Make a suit of clothes from it, jacket and pants, or shift.
Learn to make some kind of foot covering.
Lastly, and most importantly, stand in front of a mirror, take a good look at yourself, and then laugh for at least five minutes.

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Posted on January 6, 2013, in FLUFF and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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